CAPTAINS LOG    Day1                                              
         

My first day on this planet and I must say it has been a bewildering experience. These earthlings believe in doing things they do not enjoy doing in order to feel good about themselves? Maybe its some form of masochistic streak they have inside them. This female earthling i have been observing has two beasts caged up like prisoners in her brothers barn. Everyday she strolls up there and and shovels up their faeces on to a wheel barrow and dumps it on to a mountain of shit she has accumulated outside the barn. Maybe she has some use for this waste or it may be used as currency on this planet,,, who knows? I dare not ask her why. Occasionally she jumps on the back of the bigger of the two beasts  and parades around the little village with a whip in her hand whilst the animal carries her. I noticed the beast was of the male species but had no testicles? I asked her how they can breed without them. She casually explained that she had had the testicles removed. I shuddered at the thought and began to wonder about this woman I had been assigned to observe.Apparently this sadistic streak runs in the family, her daughter who claims to be the owner of the smaller of these beasts also has its testicles removed? Another interesting observation i have made is the little beast they keep here at home. They call her Smillan. It is allowed to sleep in their beds, sofa etc and i was once asked to take it for a walk. I was given small plastic bags to collect faeces in if it were so obliged. I asked her if i should then go dump it on the mountain of shit near the barn? But no! apparently this shit was not as valuable and i was to toss it in a garbage bin. "why not just leave it on the grass and use it to fertilize the earth" I asked. She explained that someone may step on it??? god forbid if someone hurts the little lump of shit. I will continue this report tomorrow. I do not want to miss seeing this womans father cut the heads off 200 birds then pluck all their feathers off their warm bleeding bodies. I know I know! sounds like a fucking mad one doesnt he:)

 It had all began so innocently. I had obtained some casual work as a gardener in Smygehamn Sweden. This year i was back working at a same adress i had worked in 2 years ago. The owner (Charlotte) specified what jobs needed to be done and went off to work. I noticed an area in the corner of the garden was different to what it had been on my previous visit here. They had layed some pavement stones there which seemed to pay no purpose or practical use, not only that they were badly placed. I thought I would correct the situation and went over and lifted up one or two of these pavements. I began to level out the soil beneath the stones and uncovered something buried beneath there in a black plastic garbage bag. I ripped a little hole in it with my shovel and was suddenly met by a terrible stench of rotting flesh. "what the fuck is this?" I wondered. On closer inspection I noticed the bag was filled with dismembered body parts. I could see the toes on a foot that had been sawn off a leg at the ankle. MY GOD! was Charlotte a murderer? or maybe her husband was? or both? I quickly covered the bag and its contents up with soil again and placed the stones back. I was in shock over this gruesome discovery, I did not want to involve the police due to my not so lawfull past and besides I liked Charlotte and her husband. I decided to pretend I never saw it and went back to the duties Charlotte had assigned me to. Later in the day Charlotte arrived home. "hur går det Veikko?" she aked. I noticed her eyes kept looking toward that corner of the garden where i had made my gruesome discovery. "har du fixat till plattorna där borta i hörnet Veikko?" SHIT! Being the perfectionist that i am:) I had unwittingly placed the pavement stones back nice and level. "Nej! jag har inte varit nära där" I said. I could see the suspicion in her eyes and that she did not believe me. She then went inside to get some money to pay me for the work I had done today. I began to pick up the tools i had used and noticed Charlotte by the window with the phone in her hand, she appeared to be arguing furiously with somebody on the phone. A minute later she casually strolled out to the yard and asked if I would not mind staying a little while longer till her husband came home from work. He apparently wanted to discuss some new project he needed help with. I was the new fucking project! they were going to chop me up as well. I made up an excuse that I had to go and pick up Jenny( a friends daughter) from kindergarden and that i would come back later. " men jag träffade just Minna vid konsum, jenny är hos hennes pappa" she said. The next thing you know i am laying on the ground with excrutiating pain from my groin area. Charlotte had kicked me in the nuts and was now battering me with a shovel. I screamed in agony whilst trying to protect my head from her vicious blows. " Tyst din jävel" she screamed over and over whilst hitting me. She caught me a good blow to the head and I lost conciousness. I am now sitting in a jail cell writing this story and i am accused for the murder of Charlottes husband who they found buried beneath the pavement stones and for the attempt to murder Charlotte. My fingerprints were found on the garbage bag he was buried in and charlotte had said i came back to get her but she managed to get tht kick in. Who do you think they believe? A convicted drug addict and thief or the hard working mother and law abiding citizen? I AM INNOCENT I SWEAR.